Your good thoughts needed

Plese send some good thoughts, prayers, energy, and anything else good my way. I don't want my life to change in ways that I am afraid might be happening. Please send your positive energy my way. I want things to change only for the better, not the worse.

Quote for the week:

It'll be okay in the end.
If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Happy 4th!

Well, it was definitely time for a July post!

I am happy to report that I've lost about 10 pounds since I've been on Weight Watchers! YAY! In fact, I've become a bit WW obsessed, which has helped me alot with dealing with other disappointments. (Many of you understand.)

Just about a week ago, I finally jumped on the exercise bandwagon. I am VERY excited about that! I have been walking places alot and I've been jumping on the tramboline and doing exercise DVD's. In addition, I've been doing what I call "sit-ups," which is actually crunches/leglifts. Anyway, I do at least 100 every morning and 100 every night. (I'm a little paranoid about loose tummy skin and trying to combat it as much as I can. Not sure if it'll be possible, but I'll darned well try!)

Butterfly is doing GREAT, as usual. She's in summer camp this week and next with her teacher. DP and I will be going to a play they are putting on today!

We have a friend staying with us for awhile, too. She and her partner split up (thank goodness) and she'll be here until she gets an apartment.

AND my friend and her husband will be visiting from New Orleans in 2 weeks and I am THRILLED!!! I can't wait!

Well, just wanted to catch you up and say HI to everyone. I do miss a ton of you and hope all is well.

End of School

Soooo, I have not been around lately. I've been keeping busy with LIFE and such. Today is the last day of 3rd grade for my little Butterfly. And for me, it's the last day of getting up early to do Before School Care. YAY! Summer freedom!

I've been on Weight Watchers for 3 weeks now and have lost 7 pounds. I've actually officially lost back the 7 pounds I had gained of the 12 I lost towards the end of trying to have a baby. After I stopped trying, I had sorta fed my emotions with food. But now, I'm back on track and THRILLED with my 7 pounds for these 3 weeks. My goal is to lose a pound a week for the next 3 weeks and to be at 10 pounds gone by the time half of my 12 weeks of the program is up. (I paid for 12 weeks in advance.)

DD is disappointed that school is ending for the summer. She really wishes she could go to school in the summer, too. (She's so cute! She loves it so much.) But she will have fun summer camps for a few weeks and she does not yet know about our FL trip.

I hope all of you are well. Tammy, I have been saying extra prayers for Mark.

Have a GREAT day and enjoy the weather!

Happy June!

Gosh, I cannot believe it is already JUNE! Wow! The iris are blooming like crazy over here. We have one light lavendar and the rest are dark purple & yellow.

CSA veggies are yummy, too. Today, we picked up spinach, mesclun, Asian greens, rhubarb, applesauce, & raspberry jam. We also got a sample of the first strawberries. There should be enough next week for that to be in the basket, too.

Well, I cracked down and joined Weight Watchers last week. (The day after my 39th birthday.) I decided I owe it to myself to get healthy. My new mantra: Fit by 40! Tonight was my first week weigh-in and I am down 3.4 pounds. YAY! (I had lost 12 pounds doing the online program a few months ago when I was trying to lose to get pregnant, but when I stopped trying, I went on a binge and I gained half back.) I am turning over a new leaf. Like I said, FIT BY 40! I joined a 50 in 50 Challenge. (50 pounds in 50 weeks.) (1 pound a week.)

Sorry that I haven't been checking up as much lately. Sometimes I read blogs, but I don't have the emotional energy to comment. I hope to be able to more soon.

Hope you are all well!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

It fell on Memorial Day this year. Our friends came over for a BBQ. I had a really nice day. Tammy (twondra), I do not know how you remembered my birthday and left me a comment before I even left this post! Thanks :)

Bike ride camping trip was AWESOME!

I am SO INCREDIBLY proud of our teacher bikers and parent bikers who rode the entire length of Vermont! It was just amazing to see them and be with them during the ride. There was only a couple of seasoned riders. Most were just women who put their mind to something. Like Z...my friend who was over 300 pounds with arthritis in her knees last summer. She had knee surgery less than a year ago. She joined Wei.ght Wat.chers last August and has since lost over 65 pounds and made a goal for herself to do this ride. Well, she DID IT! She rode over 200 miles on her bicycle. (She didn't even own a bicycle last year.)

Anyway, I am SO amazed at the power of women who put their minds to something.

The school is still accepting donations, so if you are interested in making a contribution to this biking funraiser, please e-mail me!

Here are some photos:

Camping at the Vermont/Canada border

So, the fundraiser I spoke about in previous posts is HERE! Thursday, we are going to drive some of the bikers (teachers and parents) to the Canadian border of Vermont, so they can bike the ENTIRE length of Vermont. Butterfly and I will camp with them on Thursday night and then we'll be the sag wagon behind the bikers on Friday. (Someone else will come out on Saturday to take our place on Sat & Sun, since we have to pick my mom up from the airport in Hartford.)

Anyway, Butterfly is SO EXCITED, as it will be her first time camping in a tent!

Yesterday, my friend's daughter hung out with us after our trip to the farm to pick up our veggies and I took some pics of the kids playing. They came out adorable!

Happy Mothers' Day

I just want to wish all of you who are mothers or are waiting to become mothers a HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!

YAY! Fresh veggies!

So, we went to the farm yesterday and got our first box of spring veggies. We got greenhouse greens - 4 bags of spinach (I cooked and froze most of it), 2 bags of mixed salad greens, little radishes that are the size of baby carrots and are milder and cuter than regular ones, (by the way, I don't love radishes, but as my committment to eating local, fresh, & organic and to being a good role model for my daughter, I am eating radishes)(yyuuummm, can you hear the sarcasm?) , mint jelly (I wll probably give this jar away), violet jelly, which DD LOVES, and a HALF GALLON of 2008 MAPLE SYRUP. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Vermont pure maple syrup! My favorite thing in the box. I'll eat all kinds of stuff just as a vessel for syrup. (Even oatmeal.)

One of the kids in my daughter's class called in today with head lice. (One of the oldest kids, a 5th grader, too. Usually, it's pre-K or K with the problem.) UGH! So the office lady checked all the kids in her class and LUCKILY no one else had it. That is why I NEVER EVER let her wear her hair down to school. At the VERY least, it is pulled back into a ponytail. It's annoying, but necessary in my opinion.

So, I popped on NW to check in and see how everyone was doing, and then I must have checked in 6 times in the next day or two. See how I am...I just can't stay away once I get into it. I am going back to not even lurking for awhile because I get too involved in checking the board if I even lurk.

Well, I'm off for now. Thanks to all who've checked in on me. I miss you!

SPRING IS HERE!

The Saturday Farmer's Market opened today!!! Butterfly was so excited! She danced the Maypole Dance and had a great time. She is looking forward to going on Saturdays all spring, summer, and fall.

We are also looking forward to our CSA share starting. For those who aren't familiar with CSA's, it's Community Supported Agriculture. You pay the farmers a chunk of money just before the season starts so they can have money when they need it (before planting) and then you get a share of the fruits and veggies each week. (Ours also includes homemade applesauce, jam, and maple syrup in the first few weeks.) Anyway, you get the veggies on the SAME DAY they are harvested. So, not only are they organic (on this farm anyway), but they are SUPER fresh and incredibly tasty. We will be picking up the first 5 weeks at the farm and then the rest at the Wednesday Farmer's market. I am psyched!

We also have out first tulip and our second bud of a tulip growing in our garden. And many leaves waiting for stems and buds. Spring is showing up all over. Our trees are also all budding. This weather makes me want to drive around in the car with the windows open listening to the Indigo Girls or the Dix.ie Chicks. But, with the gas prices as they are, I'll pass. I am trying to not only save gas, but save the earth and get in shape by walking more and driving less. I also intend to take our little city bus more often, too. I'll make a difference any way I can.

Speaking of changing our ways, my mom is doing really well. You gotta understand...she's a "southern mama" ... always found at Walmart, buys anything as long as it's on sale, eats all kinds of gross things, ya know, like the gizzards. Anyway, she's been bringing her own bags to the grocery store!!!!!!!! And she is so proud of herself! It's so funny! And when she brings food home, she's so excited to show me anything that's organic. Oh my gosh, her little liberal lesbian hippie girl is wearing off on her!!!!!!

Well, I'm off for now. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Hi to everyone

I want to say hi to everyone. I miss y'all so much, but I've been trying to keep myself occupied with non-TTC related stuff.

Things are going pretty good over here. No complaints as of right now. DP (T) is doing pretty well. She's on new pain meds and they seem to be working pretty well, so that's good.

My Butterfly is also doing well, but what's new there? She's always doing well.

We recently saw her donor again. (In case you don't know, he is a friend of mine.) He was working in Boston for a few days so we went down to see him and we all went to American Stonehenge in Salem NH for the day. She had a great time. I'll add some pics when I get a chance. (They are on my other computer.) She really enjoys seeing him and his kids when we are able. (He lives in Atlanta and the kids live in New Orleans.)

For anyone who don't know, Butterfly's teachers are riding the ENTIRE length of the state of Vermont on bicycles for her little school's biggest fundraiser. These teachers and some parents are awesome and this fundraiser has been a HUGE part of keeping he school afloat. Donations are tax deductible (the school is a non-profit) and we are accepting donations of ALL sizes. ($5 donors are as important as $500 donors.) And another BIG THANKS to those two of you who sent something to her little school!!!!!!!! We really and truly appreciate it. If anyone else would like to pledge (either per mile or amounts of any size....like I said, ALL are important), you can either send a paypal payment or a check. E-mail me for the info.

My dad's brother is visiting their sister in New York (from Greece) and my dad came up north from Arizona to see him. While in New York, he took the train and came to see us. Butterfly was so excited! I'm glad he came. It seems she only remembers seeing him twice before. (Yikes!) Anyway, the visit was short, but sweet. All went well.

Well, I'll be off for now. Good to "see" you all again. I keep saying I'm going to drop by NW and check in, but I've been afraid to get the "bug" again. Take care and babydust to those trying and hugs to those babies already here!

Just sayin' hi

Just stopping by to say HI to all of my blogger friends. Just hanging in there and getting on with our lives. I think about many of you all the time. I hope all is well with you all. Any new BFP's?

I am not visiting the NW page anymore. The last time I stopped by for a quick lurk, I found out that my favorite donor was back. That hit me really really hard. I really loved his profile. It was the best of any I've ever seen. He seemed like such an awesome guy. (Good ol' Mr 340.) It is hard to know he is now available when not only am I not trying anymore, but I got my deposit back and could not order him even if I was still trying.

Anyway, the rest of my life is going steady. Just doing the before school care at my daughter's school and volunteering there alot. T's on a new pain med that seems to be doing pretty well. Hopefully, it'll continue to work for her. She just had a cortizone shot in her elbow (the one that used to be the good one) and that is keeping her sleep meds from working, but it should pass. (I hope soon.)

Butterfly is doing great, as usual. Enjoying playing outside without a snowsuit. (Although it did snow on Thursday or Friday of last week.) The snow is gone on about half of our yard. YAY! Let's hope we do not see anymore this year.

Well, drop me a line if you like, I am always open to getting e-mail or comments here. Miss you all. Take care.

Shout out

Just a shout out to all of my TTC friends. I still have everything crossed for you girls and think about you all. I have to keep myself busy with other things or I go nuts wanting to spend more money trying when I had to say enough is enough. (DP just can't handle anymore emotionally.)

I haven't kept up with the board, though I log on every now and then and read a post or two or three.

CONGRATS! to all of the BFP's lately!!!!! I am so excited when I hear about them. Feel free to keep me updated with all of the good news. I think about my pregnant buddies, too, and wish everyone well. And let me not forget the moms of ADORABLE babies! I think about you all.

THIS MONTH SUCKS! AF is due right now and I'm feeling those symptoms that usually made me wonder .... Could it be symptoms...or is it AF around the corner??? I automatically go to thinking that....then I realize I am not trying anymore, so it has to be AF. It is really weird in a sad kind of way.

So, I'm trying to keep busy and trying to be the best mom I can to my little (but really getting so big) Butterfly.

I'm not sure if I blogged that I took her to a piercing studio in Northampton, MA and she got her ears pierced. Here's the photos:

Here's the funny story: After the first ear was done and she was preparing for the second, Penelope (the piercer) aske her, "Now, aren't you glad you don't have 3 or 4 ears???" Butte3rfly answers, "Right about now, I'm wishing I only had ONE ear."

And here is the latest slideshow of her playing in the backyard:

So, now you have a glimpse into my post TTC world. I hope it gets better from here.

123 Book Tagging

I've been tagged by ninefirefly at Growing Our Little Bean!

Here it goes!!

Rules:

1. Grab the nearest book of 123 pages or more.

2. Open it to page 123.

3. Find the first 5 sentences and write them down.

4. Then invite 5 friends to do the same.

The closest book to me is The Night Watch by Sarah Waters. T is in the middle of it, but I have not read it yet.

She gazed idly, now, not looking for Kay; still sure, in her heart, that she'd had that single chance and lost it.

And even before her gaze had settled a figure came sauntering along the pavement from the direction of Waterloo Bridge: a slim, tall, quite striking figure, not at all like a boy or a middle aged man, with its hands in its trouser pockets and a cigarette dangling nonchalantly from its lip ... Viv moved closer to the window.

Fraser saw, and leant to look, too.

"What is it?" he said.

"You haven't seen her?"

I'm tagging:

Cindy over at A Bunch and a Bunch, Deena over at The Lazy "P", Lyndsey at An Interesting Journey, Lora at Road to Baby Toes,and Marlana at My First TTC So Close Yet So Far Away.

I'm pretty much alright. It's just that it's hard to ignore this stuff when I'm reading stuff daily, so I've tried to keep busy with other things. (Like shoveling snow!)

Still around (sort of)

I'm still around glancing at my blog every once in awhile. I really want to get caught up with blogging, but I keep just not having the emotional energy. Sure do miss checking in on my friends' blogs, though.

I'm trying to take some time for me, as these changes have been a little toughter than I thought. I pop onto NW sometimes and post now and then, but I've just been a little out of it. (I'm expecting to eventually get back into blogging and hopefully, it will be soon.)

Cindy, I appreciate the effort to try and get me to try again with you, but DP would probably fall apart if I said we were going to go through any more tries. LOL! I'll keep it in mind, though, and I'll recruit you if I ever change my mind.

So, here I am checking in. Not back to normal, but hoping to get there. Congrats to those BFP's, you know who you are. And many thoughts and prayers to those who have had losses. And lots of babydust to those in the TWW!

Working it out

The last couple of days have been a b*tch. People were asking me how the cycle went and I kept having to say it didn't, which was okay, except that I didn't feel like hearing them say I'm sorry, nor did I want to be hugged about it, which everyone seemed to want to do. I just really wanted to pretend none of it happened and nothing was different for me at all.

I am finally starting to feel okay about processing it. I'll be okay eventually. I'm going to focus on two things. One is my weight loss. (After my weekend boohoo binge of eating WHATEVER I want WHENEVER I want it.) The second (and most important) is being the best mom I can to my Butterfly. She is such an awesome and amazing girl and I will give her all of my mom-ness and I will make up for the one who never came.

Today was DP's birthday. Butterfly picked out a big bouquet of flowers for her and I got her red roses (which was her first time ever getting roses.) We went out to eat lunch and had birthday cupcakes this evening. It's been snowing all evening, too. I am trying to keep busy so I don't have to think too much about this other stuff.

On the good news front, I want to say CONGRATULATIONS to Lauren (lkp) and her DP. They just got their BFP and I am so happy for them. They have been through so much and I'm really sending the stickiest baby dust EVER to them. I am so excited!

More good news! Baby Alaya was able to go home at 1 week old. Here are a few new pics of her and her family. (Well, our family, too. We miss them and wish they were closer.)

Officially out of the TTC game

Well, it's official. AF started tonight. We are out of the TTC game.

To be quite honest, even though I made peace with it all, I am not really feeling quite like processing it all. Weird. Just feeling a bit withdrawn.

Anyway, I'm sending all of my babydust to you guys and hoping for TONS of BFP's really soon.

Scrapping the TWW Part 4 & positive thoughts

So, we can still use some positive thoughts/prayers for baby Alaya. She's having problems with her sodium levels and hasn't been released from the hospital yet. (At least she is out of the NICU, though.) They are supplementing her sodium right now and are hoping she will be home in the next couple of days.

I made this page for her mom with a digital scrapbooking program. It's the first time I have made a page digitally. I prefer to make the craft-like paper pages, but this was fun, too.


And here is my two page layout of the day, too. This one is NOT digital.



Since some of you might be wondering about me, I'll tell you that I'm PMSing right now. Early signs of cramps. Also sore breasts. Not the kind that get your hopes up, but the kind that I get EVERY month at period time. I'm 11 DPO. Negative test at 10 DPO. It SUCKS, but I'll make it.

GREAT news !!!

I'm going to start by saying CONGRATS to Mel and Kim! They found out some pretty great news during their ultrasound. They are going to be moms to THREE babies!!! Can you believe it?!? I can't. And I'm sure they were surprised, too. Must have been all the babydust we forced on them! We are surely excited for them!

In my family, there's more good news. On Jan 31st, our baby cousin, Alaya Michelle, made her way into the world, a whopping 9 lbs 5 oz! (Believe it or not, it's the EXACT weight of her older sister, Joy, who's 10.) Joy and Imani (4) are thrilled to have a new sister. She can use some positive thoughts and prayers, though. She was put into the NICU because her blood sugar was low. She got over that hurdle, but then she could not keep down the little bit she ate, nor did she want to eat. She also could not regulate her body temp. Luckily, tonight she decided nursing might be more fun than IV's. So, they took the IV's out. Yay! Her momma wants lots of prayers because she really wants to take her baby girl home with her when she leaves the hospital tomorrow or Monday. See how precious she is!



As for me, I'm 8 DPO today. Not having any symptoms to speak of except some twingies in the uterus area. But I've learned to try and ignore those because they happen during EVERY TWW. Still accepting babydust, but I'm not sure that I need as much as Mel!

Scrapping the TWW - part 3

Well, I'm tired of dealing with the twingies and wondering if it's the progesterone or what. (It's a bit harder this cycle since it's the last.) I'm really trying to ignore this stuff, but you know how THAT goes!

Here's two more pages. (There are more in the 2 previous entries.)




Thanks for the support and the finger crossing and babydust!