If you can believe it, last weekend we got MORE snow! Take a look at our new snow pics.
Here's Butterfly helping shovel out Grandma's car.
The BBQ grill and one of the garbage cans.
Butterfly shoveling snow off the tramboline.
Our backyard holiday tree.
Me with our new grown-up toy, the snowblower.
Butterfly and the neighbor boy with snow up to their thighs.
Whew! This year is not starting off the way I hoped. (I hoped it would NOT be too much snow.) I guess it will make for good skiing. Butterfly will be happy about that. She starts winter sports with school in January. They will be skiing at the mountain on Tuesdays and ice skating on Thursdays. She can't wait. She loves winter sports!
On the TTC front: We are just enjoying another month off and looking forward to our last try in January.
I'm sick right now. Yuk!!!! I hate being sick. It doesn't happen too often because I have an awesome immune system, but when it does, I'm a real baby. At least the cough medicine is finally letting me get some sleep.
I haven't kept up with my posting very well. I've been tackling some tough stuff in therapy with EMDR and it's been wearing me out emotionally. (In addition to being sick.) But I'll try to keep up a bit better. I haven't even been reading posts too much. Just worn out.
Hope everyone is well. Take care all and we wish you the best!
By the way, I don't really mean that. (I don't really want TOO MUCH snow this early.)
Anyway, my little (or big, depending on your perspecitive) Butterfly has been out playing in the snow. She's had a great time sledding in our backyard. Here's the proof. (The first one was one of the pics we put in our winter holiday cards.)
Here's an icicle on T's truck. First icicle of the year. Butterfly took it off and was eating it like a popsicle. (Gross! It's was hanging off a truck for goodness sakes.)
On the TTC front, I'm debating whether or not to skip next month, too. If I tried, it would be around the holidays and I don't want my doc doing things (like ultrasounds and insems) on different days than she would usually because the best day is a holiday. So, I'm not sure. We'll see.
I also joined Weight Watchers online a couple of weeks ago and I'm down 7.4 pounds. YAY, me!
So, I'm trying to stay positive (losing a few pounds is helping) and I'm sending tons of positive thoughts and energy to everyone, especially baby Korinne and her mom, lkp, Janine, Michelle, Lora and ALL of those trying to get through rough times.
And congrats to the recent BFP's! Especially Meg & Chris. I'm happy for you all.
We put up our Christmas tree on Dec 1st.
I am having many different feelings today.
Sadness
Fear
Thankfulness
I am sad for so many of my NW friends who have recently had miscarriages. Hearts are being broken all over the place lately. It just keeps going on and on and it's very very sad.
I am afraid. Afraid that I will not get pregnant. Afraid that my body will no longer make a sticky baby or any baby.
I am thankful. Thankful for my little butterfly and my DP. Thankful that my parents are still here on this earth. Thankful that Butterfly is such a happy girl who loves the world and everything in it and is not afraid to try new things. Thankful for my friends (including the TTC ones.) Thankful that I not only have a place to live, but that it's ours and it's exactly where it is, woods and brook and all. Thankful that we have food to eat and for the good credit that allows us to buy that food and other things we need when we can't afford them. I'm thankful for the woods and the snow and the brook and the trails and geocaching. DP is not thankful for scrapbooking because it causes the debt to rise. I'm thankful for my ice skates. I'm thankful for my Wednesdays with Zephyr while the kids are in school. I'm thankful for missing my friends in New Orleans because missing them shows how much they mean to me. I'm thankful that most of my friends and family made it through the hurricane, though many are still struggling. I'm thankful for all of those who travelled to NOLA and helped wherever they could. I'm thankful for my body because even when I complain that it's not the right size, I am still thankful that I have it and it works pretty well and it gets me where I need to go without pain. I have so many things to be thankful for. Thankful that I can see the good in people and things, especially when fear and sadness try to take over.
Well, today was the first snow of the season. Butterfly is playing in it as I type this. (I am watching her through the sliding glass door.) Here are some photos I took this morning.
My little butterfly's play was a huge success! It was sold out for all 3 performances. In the car on the way to the theatre, she said, "Mommy, I can't believe this is the last day of the play. I'm really going to miss it." (She had play practice every day this last week, plus performances Fri, Sat, & Sun.) (Plus she had the class twice a week since September.) I'm glad it turned out to be so much fun!
The show was beautiful! It was so moving. It was their version of an ancient Iroquois thanksgiving address. Here are some of the photos. We could not use a flash, so we had to rely on whatever lighting was being used. It did not make for very good photos, but at least we got some.
Well, as I thought, cycle 6 is a BUST!!! I'm not too upset at this point. I'm pretty much feeling numb. I still haven't had the conversation with T about whether I will be able to try again. (Since I feel that the other cycles were a waste with the blockage.) This was supposed to be our last try. (She originally wanted 3 tries and we had 6.)
I have a call into the doctor's office to see what can be done to find out what the blockage is. (Whether it's a cyst or what.)
Anyway, at least this has been a SUPER BUSY week and will continue through the weekend. Butterfly is in a play and she's had rehearsals every evening this week, including this one, with the first show being tonight. And there's another show Saturday night and one Sunday afternoon. So, this has kept us busy, to say the least.
Well, thanks for all the support and I'll keep you updated.
Well, as expected, this month is going about exactly like every other BFN month has gone. Same symptoms on the same days. I don't know why I'd hope otherwise, as not only do I have that darn blockage, but there's that sperm sitting on the counter (I'm assuming...I didn't think about it then) for an hour thing also. AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On another note, it has really been fun watching the HCG from the trigger shot go out of my system. I got to POAS with NO GUILT!!!!! (I used the Dollar Tree store tests for cheapness and tested at least every other day since 1DPO.) How FUN was that!?!?!!!! I got to test without feeling like I should not be testing. I didn't have to wish I could test, then know it was too early, then test anyway, only to see the BFN. I got to know it was too early, but that I'd see a BFP no matter what, even though it wasn't MY bfp. It was really fun! If you can get cheap dollar store tests and you get the trigger, I'd totally recommend it. Then if you get a BFP later, you'll know if it's a true one.
Baby dust to you all!
Well, today (Sunday) I went in to my doctor's office for an IUI with my doc's partner and left with an ICI and a newly found blockage.
Apparently, I have a blockage inside of the cervix (in the hallway/tunnel that is the cervix) that makes it impossible for the catheter to get into the uterus. I spent an hour with a speculum inside of me and the doctor trying everything, including clamping open the cervix and going in with a dilator. He was finally able to get past the blockage with the dilator, however that instrument is not as flexible as a catheter and when he'd try to change back to the catheter, it would just hit the blockage and bend and would not go through.
He and the midwife were so nice to come in on Sunday and they spent an hour trying to get into my uterus until we all just really had no more options. He put the specimen as far into the cervix as he could, but it was not into the uterus. He was afraid if he tried anything else, it would affect the endometrium and prevent implantation.
The midwife kept telling me how great I was doing and afterwards, she said she didn't know how I was able to handle everything he did for all that time. She said she would not have been able to stand it and I must be very tolerant of pain. (Yeah, right! Suuuuuurrrrrre.)
We also figured out that this is probably what has been stopping my success thus far. My midwife friend who did 4 of my inseminations THOUGHT she was getting in there for 3 (doc thinks the catheter was actually just curling up) and knew she only got in 1 1/2 inches on the last one, but I had her insert the sperm anyway. (That one makes sense, since 1 1/2 inches is how far the doc got.) Anyway, there is SOME opening because I have period flow, so there is a slight chance that the sperm could get in there, but the opening is not as big as we'd like.
We have already tried WAY more than DP intended. (She wanted 3 tries only.) We have spent so much money and I'm not sure what we're going to do from here. I feel frustrated and depressed and jipped out of the last 6 (or 7?) months. I am kicking myself for not seeing this fertility doc first. I'm just feeling pain CRAPPY! Crappy one moment, numb the next. Not sure whether DP will agree to spend MORE money at the doc to have procedures to fix this and try again. Just don't know what to do.
Be prepared when you ask me for more pictures because I LOVE photos. These are not the best shots, as many of them were taken from a moving vehicle. But you can definitely see that it's fall.
I love fall. The weather is so beautiful up here in New England. I love sweaters and leaf colors and apple picking and baking and all of the good fall stuff. However, there's one thing I'm not crazy about and that's raking. Here's a photo of Butterfly playing in the leaves.
Darn Aunt Flow! I tried bolting the doors to keep her 0ut, but she came anyway!
Today is cd 1. A new month with a (new) doctor. Now I have to decide whether to take the Clomid on cd 3 or cd 5. The doc said I could choose. She usually uses cd 5, but she left it up to me. I'm leaning to the earlier end. I don't want my IUI to fall on the weekend since it's going to be doctor assisted.
I'm really disappointed that this month did not work out. It was the only one that T did the inseminations for me and I was more invested in it than usual because of that. (Not that I haven't been invested other times, just that even MORE this time.)
I'm starting to worry about whether this is going to work out this year. We don't have any more money to put into this if it doesn't work by the end of the year. I'm going to cross everything and hope that it works out.
I'm SO OVER those! Even my 9 year old GETS the "if you don't have anything nice to say" thing.
Cindy, especially, has really taken the rap lately, with multiple slams. (Not that she's been the only one. Amy & Sharon have also recently taken some crap.) (And I remember awhile back when someone was so mean to call a baby ugly.)
COME ON!!! Let's follow the BE KIND TO OTHERS rule, please.
I love NW and when I take a break, it tends to be because I am trying not to obsess in the TWW. If there weren't SO MANY wonderful people making up for the few @#%holes, then I would not stay. But I love to keep up with the many wonderful women and their TTC journeys or their babies that I just can't leave.
I guess there's bound to be a bad egg in every crate. Hopefully, they won't visit too often!
I got my first BFN of the month today. YUCK!!! :(
I was SO on the wagon before this. I just KNEW I was going to make it to the day AF was due. Ooops!
I am having the usual symptoms, especially sore breasts. A few minor nipply things, but, unfortunately, mostly regular sore breasties. What's up with that? Have I always gotten sore breasts THAT long before AF??? I mean, 6 DPO??? Geeeees!!!! I feel like I'm getting AF symptoms 9 days before AF is even due. It's ridiculous. I HATE knowing my body that well.
Yay! I found my blog. I knew I had one out there somewhere!
But, my, how things have changed. My little Butterfly is in 3rd grade back at her same school that she used to go to. She's having an AWESOME year. Someone asked her the other day what her favorite subject is and she said, Woods!" (Only at a tiny little school in Vermont would she have a subject called Woods.) Oh, and she just had a birthday. She's 9.
Anyway, life has definitely gone on for us and currently, we're trying to have a little sister (or brother) for Butterfly. We've been trying for 5 months and are about halfway into the amount of money we have set aside for this. (Well, I should say available credit on a credit card that we have set aside for this.) Anyway, I'd say we have 2 months left for doctor assisted (since that will cost more.) After that, there's no more money to spend. Unless we can get to our known donor for free one month (as in, he is in our area at the right time or we're in his), I think this year will be the extent of our trying. So, cross everything for us!!!!!!!!!!!! We need a BFP!!!!!
This blog will update you on Butterfly and also on our TTC (Trying To Conceive) efforts.
