Feeling Crappy

Well, today (Sunday) I went in to my doctor's office for an IUI with my doc's partner and left with an ICI and a newly found blockage.

Apparently, I have a blockage inside of the cervix (in the hallway/tunnel that is the cervix) that makes it impossible for the catheter to get into the uterus. I spent an hour with a speculum inside of me and the doctor trying everything, including clamping open the cervix and going in with a dilator. He was finally able to get past the blockage with the dilator, however that instrument is not as flexible as a catheter and when he'd try to change back to the catheter, it would just hit the blockage and bend and would not go through.

He and the midwife were so nice to come in on Sunday and they spent an hour trying to get into my uterus until we all just really had no more options. He put the specimen as far into the cervix as he could, but it was not into the uterus. He was afraid if he tried anything else, it would affect the endometrium and prevent implantation.

The midwife kept telling me how great I was doing and afterwards, she said she didn't know how I was able to handle everything he did for all that time. She said she would not have been able to stand it and I must be very tolerant of pain. (Yeah, right! Suuuuuurrrrrre.)

We also figured out that this is probably what has been stopping my success thus far. My midwife friend who did 4 of my inseminations THOUGHT she was getting in there for 3 (doc thinks the catheter was actually just curling up) and knew she only got in 1 1/2 inches on the last one, but I had her insert the sperm anyway. (That one makes sense, since 1 1/2 inches is how far the doc got.) Anyway, there is SOME opening because I have period flow, so there is a slight chance that the sperm could get in there, but the opening is not as big as we'd like.

We have already tried WAY more than DP intended. (She wanted 3 tries only.) We have spent so much money and I'm not sure what we're going to do from here. I feel frustrated and depressed and jipped out of the last 6 (or 7?) months. I am kicking myself for not seeing this fertility doc first. I'm just feeling pain CRAPPY! Crappy one moment, numb the next. Not sure whether DP will agree to spend MORE money at the doc to have procedures to fix this and try again. Just don't know what to do.